Unitarian Universalist Church of Palo Alto
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Created by Rev. Calvin Dame
First Unitarian Society of Newton
San Jose UU Church
Blessings in Disguise
Story: There is a very old Sufi story about a man whose son captured a strong, beautiful, wild horse, and all the neighbors told the man how fortunate he was. The man patiently replied, "We will see." One day the horse threw the son who broke his leg, and all the neighbors told the man how cursed he was that the son had ever found the horse. Again the man answered, "We will see." Soon after the son broke his leg, soldiers came to the village and took away all the able-bodied young men, but the son was spared. When the man's friends told him how lucky the broken leg was, the man would only say, "We will see." Gratitude for participating in the mystery of life is like this.
Reading: "The Guest House" by Rumi (Mevlana Jelaluddin Mevlavi)
This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness
some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows
who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture.
Still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
(from The Essential Rumi by Coleman Barks, HarperSanFrancisco, 1995.)
Questions to think about:
- Has there been anything in your life that seemed like a great misfortune at the time, but turned out to be a blessing in disguise? or vice-versa?
- To what extent do you experience gratitude for participating in the mystery of life? how? when?
Loneliness
Reading: The Most of It by Robert Frost
He thought he kept the universe alone;
For all the voice in answer he could wake
Was but the mocking echo of his own
From some tree-hidden cliff across the lake.
Some morning from the boulder-broken beach
He would cry out on life, that what it wants
Is not its own love back in copy speech,
But counter-love, original response.
And nothing ever came of what he cried
Unless it was the embodiment that crashed
In the cliff's talus on the other side,
And then in the far-distant water splashed,
But after a time allowed for it to swim,
Instead of proving human when it neared
And someone else additional to him,
As a great buck it powerfully appeared,
Pushing the crumpled water up ahead,
And landed pouring like a waterfall,
And stumbled through the rocks with horny tread,
And forced the underbrush-and that was all.
Questions:
- What strategies help you to cope with loneliness?
- Do any parts of Frost's poem particularly resonate with your experiences/feelings?
Endings
Reading: Considering that we have to deal with endings all our lives, most of us handle them very badly. This is in part because we misunderstand them and take them either too seriously or not seriously enough. We take them too seriously by confusing them with finality — that’s it, all over, never more, finished! We see them as something without sequel, forgetting that in fact they are the first phase of the transition process and a precondition of self-renewal. At the same time we fail to take them seriously enough. Just because they scare us, we try to avoid them. (William Bridges, Making Sense of Life’s Transitions, page 90)
Discussion: Think of an ending that has occurred during your life and then consider:
- The transition that ensued for you.
- What you learned from this ending and transition that has been (or might be) useful in responding to future endings.
Friendship
"A friend is one to whom one may pour out chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away." — Dinah Mulock Craik
Discussion Questions:
(Please think in terms of friends other than partners. For many people a partner is also a close friend, but I would like us to think about other kinds of friendship.)
1. Recall a friendship that has been important to you at some point in your life. It could be a long-term relationship, or one that lasted only a short time. What made it special? Did the friendship change you?
2. How have your friendships changed over the years?
3. What is most important to you now in a friend?
Fear
Excerpt from Pema Chodron's "When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times":
"Once there was a young warrior. Her teacher told her that she had to do battle with fear. She didn’t want to do that. It seemed too aggressive; it was scary; it seemed unfriendly. But the teacher said she had to do it and gave her the instructions for the battle. The day arrived. The student warrior stood on one side, and fear stood on the other. The warrior was feeling very small, and fear was looking big and wrathful. They both had their weapons. The young warrior roused herself and went toward fear, prostrated three times, and asked, "May I have permission to go into battle with you?" Fear said, "Thank you for showing me so much respect that you ask permission." Then the young warrior said, "How can I defeat you?" Fear replied, "My weapons are that I talk fast, and I get very close to your face. Then you get completely unnerved, and you do whatever I say. If you don’t do what I tell you, I have no power. You can listen to me, and you can have respect for me. You can even be convinced by me. But if you don’t do what I say, I have no power." In that way, the student warrior learned how to defeat fear. . . .
No one ever tells us to stop running away from fear. We are very rarely told to move closer, to just be there, to become familiar with fear. I once asked the Zen master Kobun Chino Roshi how he related with fear, and he said, "I agree. I agree." But the advice we usually get is to sweeten it up, smooth it over, take a pill, or distract ourselves, but by all means make it go away.
Fear is a common visitor for most of us. Our experiences of fear range from mild anxiety to full-fledged panic. Some fears are part of our culture, while others belong to us alone."
Questions:
+ Can you recognize a time in your life when you dealt with fear in the way described in the second paragraph? What happened?
+ What would it mean to you to approach current fears in the way described by Pema Chodron?
Success
To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of oneself; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exaltation; to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived this is to have succeeded. Ralph Waldo Emerson
Discussion questions:
+ Emerson’s definition of success is far removed from the typical view in Silicon Valley. How would you define your own vision of success?
+ How has your vision of success changed over the years?
+ Are there ways in which your life does not express your vision of success? Are there obstacles in the way? What might help you move beyond them?
Living our Intentions
Here is what Jack Kornfield says about intentions in "A Path with Heart":
"The heart is our garden, and along with each action there is an intention that is planted like a seed. . . . Through simple awareness of our intention from moment to moment, we can plant a splendid garden, we can create patterns of well-being and happiness that last far beyond our personalities and our limited life. . . . We can be aware of the different states of fear, wanting, confusion, jealousy, and anger. We can know when forgiveness or love or generosity is connected with our actions. When we know what state is in our heart, we can begin to have a choice about the patterns or conditions we will follow . . . "
To practice awareness of your intentions, try to notice the intentions behind your interactions with several different people.
- What are some of your intentions?
- Do certain kinds of intentions create certain kinds of results?
- How can you increase your actions that are driven by love, compassion, generosity?
- How can you limit actions that are based on negative emotions or drives
Violence
"Men are born soft and supple; dead, they are stiff and hard. Plants are born tender and pliant; dead, they are brittle and dry. Thus whoever is stiff and inflexible is a disciple of death. Whoever is soft and yielding is a disciple of life. The hard and stiff will be broken. The soft and supple will prevail." -- Tao Te Ching, translation by Stephen Mitchell
Questions:
+ Can violence be made "unnecessary"? If so, how might this happen?
+ In your life, have you (or someone close to you) experienced violence first-hand? If so, how did the experience change your view of the world? Of yourself?
+ How can you, personally, contribute to making violence in the world less necessary?
Dancing on the void
Reading:
I often dream I am a tightrope walker. I climb the rope ladder slowly, carefully, adjusting to its wrigglings. The wooden slats mutter to me all the way up. The rungs my right food stands on say, "If you are afraid of falling, you will fall," and the rungs my left food presses say "If you believe you cannot fall, you will fall."
Eventually I arrive on the little platform at the top. I strip off my track suit and am revealed in all my sequined glory. I look out and down at the upturned eyes sparkling, brighter than my costume. Then the spotlight pins me, and I hear its mocking tones.
It says, "And probably in the end you will fall anyway."
And in my dream, I always listen politely and know it is true, and then I go out sparkling, flashing, and dance on the void. That is the challenge, the moment of hope: to dance as near the edge of destruction as is possible, to be willing to fall, and still not fall.
-- Sara Maitland, in A Big-Enough God
Discussion questions
None of us (as far as I know) walk on literal tightropes in our daily lives. Yet the fear of falling is universal. What forms does "falling" take in your life. What voices warn you about your danger? Have you had experiences that are like "dancing on the void?" What have you found useful in dealing with this kind of uncertainty?
Being Kind vs. Being Nice
"There is a crucial difference between being nice and being kind: One increases stress, the other reduces it." -- Margot Silk Forrest
Questions:
+ What are some experiences where you where affected by
someone being "nice" as opposed to being kind.
+ What are some ways that you may
choose either consciously or not to be nice, usually to avoid discomfort in the
short term.
Why We Love War
All of the quotations below are from an article in Utne, Jan.-Feb. 2003 entitled "Why We Love War" by Lawrence LeShan
"Before we can find new ways to prevent war, we have to understand why it is so popular. War at least promises to fulfill some fundamental human need or tension. One central human tension is the problem of how to be both an individual and a part of the larger group.... One the one hand is the drive to be more and more unique and individual, to heighten one's experience and being. On the other hand is the drive to be a part of something larger, a full-fledged member of the tribe.
There are two different means to satisfy these drives simultaneously and without contradiction. Both appear in every age and nearly every culture. (meditation and war)" --Lawrence LeShan
"Every general and every soldier was conscious of his own insignificance, aware of being but a drop in that ocean of men, and at the same time was conscious of his strength as a part of that enormous whole." -- Leo Tolstoy
"And in England, shortly after the war, I commented to a Londoner what a relief it must have been to have the bombings ended. 'Oh,' she said, 'it was a marvelous time. You forgot about yourself and you did what you could and we were all in it together. It was frightening, of course, and you worried about getting killed, but in some ways it was better than now. Now we're all just ourselves again.'" -- Jo Coudert
Questions:
1. What experiences in your life have satisfied your need to be a part of
something larger than yourself?
2. Have you had an experience of perceiving something as evil and actively
opposing it? What and when? What have you learned from that experience
(with hindsight)?
3. What difference does it make (regarding feeling part of a larger group)
whether or not we label a person or country as evil?
Giving Thanks This Day
Reading:
For the expanding grandeur of creations, worlds known and unknown, galaxies beyond galaxies, filling us with awe and challenging our imaginations:
We give thanks this day.For this fragile planet earth, its times and tides, its sunsets and seasons:
We give thanks this day.For the joy of human life, its wonders and surprises, its hopes and achievements:
We give thanks this day.For our human community, our common past and future hope, our oneness transcending all separation, our capacity for work for peace and justice in the midst of hostility and oppression:
We give thanks this day.For high hopes and noble causes, for faith without fanaticism, for understanding of views not shared:
We give thanks this day.For all who have labored and suffered for a fairer world, who have lived so that others might live in dignity and freedom:
We give thanks this day.For human liberty and scared rites, for opportunities to change and grow, to affirm and choose:
We give thanks this day.We pray that we may live not by our fears but by our hopes, not by our words but by our deeds.
- The Rev. O. Eugene Pickett, former President of the UUA
Questions:
+ What in your life would you like to give thanks for this day?
+ What relationship do you see between gratitude, happiness, spiritual resilience?
Shared Ministry
+ How would you define "ministry" and "shared ministry"?
+ If you were to personally adopt the role of being "a minister"
whenever you are in a Covenant Group meeting, how do you think this
might impact your actions and experience in this group
+ What might change if everyone in our covenant groups intentionally
shared in the ministry of the group to the extent that they are able?
What Do We Believe?
Questions:
+ What do you believe is the number and nature of the deity (God,
gods, higher power)?
+ Are there human incarnation(s) of God (or of gods/goddesses)?
+ What do you believe are the origins of the physical universe and
life on earth?
+ What do you believe happens to humans after death?
+ Why is there terrible wrongdoing in the world?
Forgiveness
"No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as it is from our standpoint; therefore we must be saved by the final form of love which is forgiveness." - Reinhold Niebuhr
"We cannot let the world's wounds destroy our spirits. We cannot let our hurts and betrayals destroy our capacity for growth and caring. That there will be judgment and, perhaps, justice, is necessary. That the violence be confronted and, if possible, contained is essential. But, most important is our capacity to nurture a loving heart, to affirm and not to curse, to forgive even when we cannot completely forget." - Rev. Glenn H. Turner
Questions:
+ Is there anything that you would like to be forgiven for? What do
you feel when you think of this?
+ How easy or difficult is it for you to forgive yourself?
+ Is there any person or group that you would like to forgive?
+ What would make it easier for you forgive another? What makes it
difficult?
+ What does forgiveness mean to you?
Work and Spirituality
"When you work, you are a flute through whose heart the whispering of the hours turns to music. To love life through labor is to be intimate with life's inmost secret. All work is empty save when there is love, for work is love made visible." -- Kahlil Gibran
As you think about the following questions, feel free to view "work" as
narrowly or as broadly as you wish. You may concentrate on paid employment,
or include church committees, parenting, volunteering, helping neighbors.
+ Choose whatever makes your responses most meaningful to you.
+ How does your work enhance your spiritual development?
+ How do you express your spirituality or values in your work?
+ Can you identify situations or issues that make it hard to live your
spiritual values in your work? How have you dealt with them (or how might
you like to deal with them)?
Failure
Reading:
Last Night As I Was Sleeping
by Antonio Machado (version by Robert Bly)
|
Last night as I was sleeping,
Last night as I was sleeping,
|
Last night as I was sleeping,
Last night as I slept,
|
Questions:
1. Select an experience of failure in your life that you would be willing to share with the group.
2. How did this experience change you?
3. What thoughts or feelings do you have about the reference in the poem to "golden bees . . . making white combs and sweet honey from my old failures"?
Unitarian Universalist Church of Palo Alto,
505 East Charleston Road, Palo Alto, CA 94306
650-494-0541 (Office), 650-494-8190 (FAX), email: uucpa@uucpa.org
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Last modified
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