Unitarian Universalist Church of Palo Alto

2007 Archive

Contact: elderjourney-info@uucpa.org

January 9: How Green Was My Elder

Reverend Amy will lead us in a discussion of the UUCPA Interdependent Web/ Ecology Initiative. Are you a greenhorn in this area? Come to learn about what our church is doing to become greener, what greenery means to us Elders, how we can become more green. Elders who don’t come to this meeting will be green with envy about how much good stuff they missed.
Hey, are you agree’n’ with me that this is a good idea? Then join us!

January 23: Do Elders write letters?

A popular song from my  youth starts, “I’m goin’ to sit right down and write myself a letter, and make believe it comes from you.”  I’m not that desperate  yet, but it does seem that the proportion of personal letters to bills, appeals, and junk mail gets less every year; at the same time, the number of personal emails I get seems to increase.  But in all fairness, I must admit that same observations can be made about the mail I send out!

How do we decide when to send an email, when to telephone, and when to write a letter?  At the one extreme, even Sylvia, our leader for this meeting, uses email to notify the church membership of our meetings.  At the other extreme, if a close friend becomes a widower, I want to put a postage stamp on my letter of condolence.  What’s your opinion?

February 13: Stories We Live By

The Google dictionary defines story as “a narrative, either true or fictitious, in prose or verse, designed to interest, amuse, or instruct the hearer or reader.” The Rev. Darcey, our leader for this discussion, asks the question, “Are there stories that so capture our imagination that they have helped shape our actions or our lives?”  It could be a novel or a magazine short story; a tale of his childhood told by your grandparent; a story heard on the radio; even a story from the daily newspaper.  Come prepared to tell us your significant story in 500 words or less.  No prizes given, but I bet we’ll hear some fascinating tales.

February 27      Please be Seated

An ancient Sumerian was suddenly transported to the modern era. When he saw several people riding bicycles, he observed, “These people sure are lazy.  They walk sitting down.”  Well, on Feb 27 we lazy Elders can learn how to exercise sitting down.  Bill Landauer will repeat the successful class in Sitting Yoga which he presented a few months ago as part of Saturday morning Yoga series.  I attended that one and found it and easy and relaxing way to stretch and strengthen a whole bunch of muscles.  All Elders are welcome.

March 13    It’s a Rat Race out There

When we were young our parents provided us with everything. At some point they may have “given” us an allowance — or possibly they made us “earn” it by doing certain chores. In high school we may have supplemented it by a newspaper route or a part time job. Next stop for many of us was college — with parents footing all or some of our expenses. Then, for the males of my age at least, came an involuntary occupation — the US Armed forces. But eventually, be it after high school, college, or the draft, we were faced with earning our own living. (Oh, I know that some people inherited so much wealth that they never had to work for a living — but we don’t seem to find many such people as UU’s. And I hear a cynic jeering, “What about a woman who gets married right out of school?” To which I reply, “You think she doesn’t earn her living?”).

But enough digression. Elders are going to meet on March 13 and talk about their first attempts to earn a living. Was it a good living? Did you stay with it? Would you do it differently if you had it to do over again? Come to Room 6 at 3:45 and share your memories.

March 27     A Satisfying Accomplishment

Ginny Faxon, our facilitator for this meeting, asks us to share a “A Satisfying Accomplishment” from our long lives.  And I’m in a quandary.  Shall I talk about a specific small professional organization I started fifty years ago?  It’s still thriving today.  Or shall I describe my wonderful children and grandchildren?  My wife and I must have done some things right when we raised our kids, even if we’re not quite sure what.  I get a wonderful feeling of satisfaction today when I look back at those events, but at the time I was too busy “doing” to reflect on how satisfied I was. 

On the other hand, perhaps I should talk about my recreational road racing – an intensive hobby of mine for about seven years starting at age 58.  It doesn’t mean much now, but at the time I glowed with satisfaction every time I set a new Personal Record – and you can’t believe how satisfied I felt the first time I won my age group in a race.

You’d better come to Room 6 at 3:45 on the 27th  with some ideas of your own to talk about, or I’m liable to keep going for the whole hour!

April 10    I Had a Sweet Dream, You Had One, Too. 

The Talmud says “A dream which is not interpreted is like a letter which is not read.”

William Shakespeare says, "We are such stuff as dreams are made on."

Sigmund Freud says, “Dreams are often most profound when they seem the most crazy.”

George Bernard Shaw says, “Some men see things as they are and say why... I dream of things that never were and say why not.”

Edgar Allan Poe says, “All that you see or seem, is but a dream within a dream”

John Barrymore says, “A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.”

Darcey Laine says, “ _  _  _ ?”

Sorry, but if you want to know what the Rev Darcey has to say about dreams, you’ll have to come to Elder Journey on April 10.  You’ll also get a chance to share your own ideas on the subject.  It all sounds dreamy.

April 24     Finding Hidden Treasures

So, you finally did it.  You bit the bullet; you took the bull by the horns; you crossed the Rubicon.  You headed for the garage (or the attic, or the spare bedroom, or the hall closet) with large barrels labeled “Garbage”, “Recycle”, “Goodwill”, and “UUCPA Sale”.  You said, “Clutter Begone!” and started in.  At first it was easy:  old magazines – Recycle; moldy bag of Halloween candy – Garbage; good-looking jacket now 3 sizes too small – UUCPA; bag of clothing needing repair – Goodwill.  Then you came to the shelf of books: “I loved this one when I was a child – I’ve got to give it to my granddaughter”; and here’s one inscribed, “to my darling Alice from great-grampa”.  Oh my gosh – here’s a copy of “Tom Sawyer” with “To my young friend Tom  - Mark Twain” written on the flyleaf.  That’s probably worth money.  The boxes from your parent’s home when they moved to the retirement community; here’s a box with my old golfing medals in it; do I dare look in this box that my son left with us when he went to Vietnam?  And so on and so forth.  You know what I mean - if you don’t, start working on your own clutter NOW. 

Amongst all the stuff destined for the barrels, did you find any “treasures”?  Something with real monetary value?  Something irreplaceable which you thought was lost forever?  Something with sentimental value which you didn’t even know you had?  Come to Room 6 at 3:45 on the 24th  and tell us about it.  It’ll be fun to compare notes.

May 8     Tomorrow is Another Day

But as Elders, we don’t have as many tomorrows as we used to.  So our facilitator, Helen Rutledge, asks, ” What are  you doing for tomorrow?  There are things that need to be taken care of for Elders (ourselves), and things to be considered by our children.  Also ‘things within ourselves’: things to think about as we age - topics we don't really want to face, but should, such as death and others.”

Most of us are the oldest in our clan now – our parents are long gone, and many of us had all or part of the job of administering their estate.  Be honest: did your grief have a few swear words in it with regard to the stuff your parents left you to deal with?  Do you want your children to feel that way when you are gone?  (I know, it would be way to get even with them for those 2 AM feedings; but that’s not a very nice thought, is it?)

This is serious stuff, guys. Helen recommends two excellent books which she keeps on her bedside table:  
1. How to Care For Aging Parents by Virginia Morris. Very sensible.
2. Strokes for Dummies by John R. Marler.  She says it has everything you would need to know, and is very clear and easy to read.

If you want to do some homework in advance, that’s fine.  But it’s also fine if you just want to show up in Room 6 at 3:45 on the 8th, listen to what others have to say, and add your ideas as  you think of them at the time.

May 22     S T R E S S

You are faced with a problem and you have certain resources available to solve it – resources of money, time, ability, energy, etc.  If these resources are ample, you solve the problem easily and go on to something else.  But if the resources are limited and may not be sufficient, we become stressed.  Now, a little stress (unlike being a little pregnant) may actually be a good thing.  It may stimulate you, increase your energy, harness your ability – you solve the problem and feel a sense of elation because it wasn’t easy but you did it anyhow.  But if the stress is great, it depresses you, saps your energy, and dissipates your abilities.

The problem is increasingly with us Elders.  Money may be more limited; time seems to move faster and there is less of it in our future; abilities may leave  us; energy levels drop.
So, what do you do about avoiding stress in the first place or alleviating it when it occurs?

Let’s share our ideas of what works and what doesn’t work. Room 6 at 3:45 on the 22nd.  Mona Miller will lead.

June 12 FAREWELL TO DARCEY

For the last couple of years the Reverend Darcey has led Elder Journey every other second-Tuesday.  This is her regular “turn”, and it will be one of her last official acts before leaving UUCPA just a few days from now.  She will take this opportunity to give us some of her own reflections about her seven years with us, and then we’ll have a chance to tell her what our church has done for us recently.

All members and friends of UUCPA who consider themselves “Elders” are invited to attend this “Farewell Appearance” of our beloved Darcey Laine.

June 26   ELDER’S QUAKE

• Do you have a slippery rug at the top of the stairs? 
• Do you keep a cake of soap on the shower floor? 
• Are sharp knives helter-skelter in a dimly lit drawer? 
• Do you keep matches right over the stove? 
• Are your front steps crumbling?

No, of course not!  You stopped doing all those things after our Safety First meeting last year.  BUT . . .

Are you prepared for the BIG one?  When the walls start to shake and the floor shimmies under your feet, there won’t be time to lock the door of the glass cupboard, pack your overnight bag, make a sandwich and fill a water jug, gas up the car and drive to the bank for some cash.  No, you have to do all those things and more before H-Hour on D-Day.

Misao Sakamoto has invited a representative from the Red Cross to come to give  us some timely advice about what to do and how to do it BEFORE it is too late.  This is no Jesting matter.

JULY IS “CELEBRATING YOU” MONTH

July 10     FOND MEMORIES

YOU are an Elder.  It’s a great accomplishment, but a simple one.  All you had to do was to live long enough.  And you did.  You survived your successive terms as youth, young adult, and mature adult,  and you have graduated into Elderhood.  And as you went through these earlier stages you accumulated memories – some good and some bad.

Rev Alicia will be our leader, and she poses this question: “What FOND MEMORY comes to mind during your youthful years?  (everyone will know they are free to pass)  then during young adult years, and so on -- until we reach the current Elder years for everybody, and each person can say what they want to remember with fondness in the future. This might be something that has yet to happen. For everyone who decides to respond, it will need to be brief -- just a few words.

You will have to be BRIEF if we are going to go four times around the circle – absolute maximum of 60 seconds.  For definiteness, let’s use the following definitions or their equivalent to approximate the division between stages:

Youth       {leaving your parent’s home for one of your own}     Young Adult        {last child leaves home}   Mature Adult    {retirement from full-time paid employment}    Elder

July 24     SOUVENIRS

Sylvia Whicher will lead us in comparing SOUVENIRS.  We should each bring one or two items to the meeting and put it or them on the center table when we come in.  We will then go around the circle and tell why ONE of the items is a treasured souvenir.  If time permits, we’ll go around again for those that brought two items.

Just think of how much we will know about each other by the end of the month!

August 14      INTERGENERATIONAL RIVALRY

My father taught me how to play chess.  When I first learned the rules he could spot me his queen and still beat me.  As I got better he would spot me a rook, then a piece, then just a pawn.  He was pleased each time I beat him and he could reduce the handicap.  I never did get better than he, but we played many a close game, and I’d win a few. 

At summer camp my son learned canoeing, and the next summer he and I took a canoe trip that involved portaging.  I was still stronger than he and could easily carry the canoe on my shoulders, but he had mastered the technique for picking it up from the ground.  So he would take the first leg of the portage and lean the canoe up against a tree where I could easily get it on to my shoulders.  We were both pleased with this arrangement.

That’s the good side of intergenerational rivalry.  But I had a professional colleague whose father was outstanding in the field of mechanics and who entered the same field.  Although he became world-famous, he was never satisfied because he envied his father’s reputation.  That’s the bad side.

Come to our Elder Journey meeting on August 14 and share  your experiences competing with  your parent and with your child.  It happens every generation! 

August 28       Recipes for One or Two

It’s been a good many years since those three hungry teen-agers moved out of our house (in fact they are all in their 50’s now!) so I’ve had plenty of time to get used to the idea that food doesn’t disappear as rapidly as it used to.  But I still haven’t figured out how to cook a satisfactory lasagna casserole with less than a dozen servings.  And as a former engineer, I can’t help thinking about efficiency – it’s just as easy to marinate and bake 8 or 12 pieces of chicken as it is to do 1.

Jean Nelson suggested that we share our ideas about coping with this problem, and she’ll lead the discussion.  She wants us to each bring along a favorite recipe, neatly typed with generous margins, and preferably all on one page, but use two if necessary.  Further, she has volunteered to collect these, duplicate them, and make up booklets to distribute to everyone who comes to our following meeting on September 11.

So come prepared to tell us what you do.  Do you continue to cook big? – tell us how you use leftovers.  Do you have clever ideas for cooking small?  Do you use special cooking utensils?  Have you discovered gourmet treats for one or two in the supermarket freezer?  And don’t forget to bring that recipe!

September 11     9/11   9/11   9/11   9/11   9/11   9/11

Our first Elder Journey in September will mark the sixth anniversary of the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center.  Rev. Eva, our leader for this session would like us to share our personal experiences of the impact of this event on our lives since then.  Not so much where we were or whom we knew there on 9/11/01;  rather, how have our lives for the past six years been affected by what occurred then:  day-to-day . . . . emotionally . . . . socially . . . . spiritually . . . . ?

Think about it, then come share your thoughts on Tuesday, the eleventh of September.  And remember, we now meet at 2:00 PM.

September 25      FOND MEMORIES OF THE FUTURE

Last month Rev Alicia led us in a discussion of Fond Memories over our life span.  The discussion was supposed to end up with “each person can say what they want to remember with fondness in the future. This might be something that has yet to happen “.  However, we got so caught up in memories of our past years that we never got to that last part. 

Today we’ll devote our entire meeting to the topic.  Don’t be like the lady who said, “Honey, at my age I don’t even buy green bananas!”  No.  You will still be here and enjoying life next year and the year after and . . . .  So come prepared to tell us:  Has something happened recently  - - or is something about to happen - -that you anticipate having fond memories of in the future?  A birth?  A Family Reunion?  A trip?  Reading “Winnie the Pooh” to a grandchild? 

“You tell me your dream, I’ll tell you mine.”  2:00 PM.  Room 6.

October 9       PUTTERING

Pronunciation: 'pə - tər
Function: intransitive verb
Etymology: alteration of potter
1 : to move or act aimlessly or idly
2 : to work at random : TINKER
- put·ter·er /-tər-ər / noun

Do you or did you ever putter?  If so, why?  If not, why not?  What did you putter at?  Did your spouse approve?  Join you?  Do wish you had done more puttering or less in the past?  How about the future?

Sylvia will lead us in a relaxing hour as we give our various answers to these and related questions.  This is a fun test – there are no wrong answers!

FALL 2007 PASSING ON THE WISDOM OF THE ELDERS

Our four final sessions of this calendar year will be concerned with passing on the wisdom of our chronologically-advantaged years. Three of them will be led by our ministers, and the fourth will feature a couple of UU members who have already opted to drastically change their style of living. Kurt will give us his ideas for making our “wisdom” easily available to the larger community, then Eva and Amy will ask us more specifically for advice based on our experiences. Some details of the four meetings are below, much of it in the minister’s own words, as indicated by italics.
— Philip Hodge, Court Jester

October 23 A COUNCIL OF ELDERS?

Rev. Kurt would like our input with regard to organizing “an Elder’s Council. 
Its purpose would be to offer non-binding advice to the leadership/membership of the congregation. e.g. the Board of Trustees, when considering a difficult issue, could consult the Elder's Council for their wisdom on the subject. They could then factor that into the decision they needed to make . . . or not.

“Why an Elder's Council? To offset elder marginalization (though that is not felt so highly within the congregation, it is unavoidable in society beyond these walls); to tap the lived experience of some of the congregation's elders; to encourage good, expansive thinking by everyone regarding issues; to continue to refuse to be lulled by this society's marginalization of elders by asking them (individually and collectively) to take an on-going role of significance in the church community.

“How do you define Elder?" " Who gets to be on the Council?" Questions we can begin to discuss."
— Rev. Kurt Kuhwald

November 13 ADVICE TO A SIXTY-FIVE YEAR OLD

Rev. Eva first recalls grandfather’s answer to Peggy Sue’s question about what would you do differently if you had your life to live over: “I’d have taken better care of my teeth.” Eva then goes on to make it personal:

When we meet, I will be 65 years and 6 days old. And I’m going to ask for advice for myself. What would you do differently if you could be 65 again? I’m facing all kinds of decisions with retirement (still years away for me), Medicare, Social Security, too little pension, where to live when I do retire, getting along with my adult children and daughter-in-law, figuring out if I can still work part-time and ‘make it’, etc.
— Rev. Eva Ceskava

November 27 ADVICE FROM ELDERS TO ELDERS

Many of us Elders are still living alone or with our life-partners in our own homes, but others of us have moved to an elder-centered community. Misao Sakamoto has invited a couple of UU members who have taken this latter course to come to our meeting. Ed Barlow and Len and Betty Cherry will tell us why they made the move and how it is working out for them.

December 11 ADVICE TO AN EARLIER GENERATION

Rev. Amy writes: Following on Kurt's topic of a council of elders: you each have accumulated a lot of life wisdom over the years. What do you know now that you wish someone had succeeded in imparting to you when you were a young adult?
A way to distinguish our topics is simply by what generation we are speaking to. I ask,

“What do you wish you’d known when you were, oh, 30- or 40-something—-still a generation away from being an elder yourself?”

Eva’s question was,

“What do you wish you’d known when you were, oh, about 65—-just entering that hallowed time?”

You may notice that both are cases of your ministers shamelessly seeking the wisdom of our elders for our own stage of life! And why not?
— Rev. Amy Morgenstern

 —Philip Hodge, Court Jester