Unitarian Universalist Church of Palo Alto

2009 Archive

Contact: elderjourney-info@uucpa.org

January 12, 2009 – Stump the Minister

Rev Amy will preside.  She writes:

If you missed the "question box" service in November (or just have more questions), come ask Amy whatever you'd like to know!  No expertise guaranteed in website navigation, car repair, or pet grooming, but she'll do the best she can.

You’ll notice that she doesn’t eliminate rocket science or non-Euclidean geometry, but I’d suggest we limit questions to topics at least somewhat related to our church.  Also it would be nice (but not necessary) if you could bring your question to the meeting in writing.

January 27, 2009 – The Swiss Viewpoint

Sylvia’s son Douglas will be visiting her this week and has agreed to  lead an "ask questions" session. Suggested subjects are intercultural marriage, problems with refugees, how the Swiss handle drug offenders, the problem of guilt. He also had some "senior clients" who are quite active.

Sylvia writes that:

Douglas has a PhD in Religious Studies and Psychology from Syracuse University, is a member of the Jung Institute in Zurich, is on the Editorial Board of the Jung Society Journal, has been an intern in the U U Church in Syracuse N.Y. and at the U U Church in Kensington, CA (1992). He has been in a  group practise in psychology in Winterthur, Switzerland for 17 years.  (He attended Sunday School and also played in a small jazz trio in our church  in 1968)

February 10, 2009 – Love

If the first Elder Journey meeting in February had taken place in different centuries with different leaders, the topic might have been one of the following:

• Love makes the world go round - ancient proverb
• Love conquers all - Virgil
• The course of true love never did run smooth. - William Shakespeare
• How do I love thee, let me count the ways - Elizabeth Barrett Brownning
• I do not know what this love may be - W. S. Gilbert

But, since the year is 2009, and the leader will be our beloved MRE, never mind what all those ancients said but think of what Rev Eva says:

I’ve been thinking about the many different kinds of love.  I’m thinking about my son’s deep love for his stepdaughter, my daughter’s search for love in a future husband, my love for them, my love for their father (which has taken many different forms over the past 46 years), love I have for this congregation, the love of God like Hildegard of Bingen knew, love of friends, love of Jesus and other saints for humanity, puppy love of teenagers, love of couples who have been together 50 years or longer, etc., etc.

What is love made of?  Affection, respect, desire, pleasure, pain, longing, comfortableness, satisfaction.

Of course, she will also give each of us a chance to share our own answers.

February 24 - Feet

“The various parts of the body once held a meeting to decide which of them was the most important…”  That’s the first line of a joke which is not suitable for inclusion in a family-oriented web site.  But it also makes a good first line for Helen Rutledge’s topic. 

Feet are important.  They play a unique role in our culture, as evidenced by such quotes as “Hay-foot, straw-foot” or “I put my foot in my mouth. ”  Some Elders may even relate to “One foot in the grave.”

Anyhow, Helen will lead us be telling us how she now feels differently about Feet than she did when she was a Younger.  Then, as usual, we’ll go around the circle and each throw in our 12 inches worth.

March 10, 2009 – Photo Session

Nobody ever said that being an elder was easy.  And Amy has a tough assignment for everyone before March 10:  “Each of us brings in one photograph of any place, person, event of his/her life.”  That’s not one ALBUM or one BOXFUL or one ENVELOPE of – it’s one PHOTO; it’s not a HUNDRED photos or a DOZEN photos or a PAIR of photos – it’s ONE photo.  Get the idea?  That’s what tough.  Bring ONE PHOTO to our meeting on March 10.

Amy will have a board or an easel of some sort where we can each post our photo when we come in and then stand around and “enjoy the gallery” until our 1:30 starting time when she will point to a photo and invite the owner to “share the stor[y] behind [it]”.  And I’m sure you all have some good stories.

March 24, 2009 – Back Pain

When you first get up in the morning do you feel that being an Elder is a real Pain-in-the-Back?  Is  your favorite breadfast cereal the one that features little cereal grains saying, “Creak, stagger, groan?”  Elder life doesn’t have to be this way.  Our Guest Speaker, Jean Couch, author of The Runner’s Yoga Book, may be able to help us.

Jean is the founder and director of the Balance Center in Palo Alto.  She has studied healthy populations from all over the world - people who remain active into their old age, and don't experience back pain or end up with hunched-over posture.  Millions of people are naturally in balance.  Jean will share their methods for a comforable posture with us and tell us something about her Balance Center.

As with most Elder Journey meetings, this will involve audience participation.  Wear comfortable clothing and come prepared to follow orders.  “All right, you.  Shape up!”  Only Jean will say it much more nicely.

April 14 – Easter Memories

Easter Eggs? Easter Bonnet? Easter Parade? – Any of those ring a secular bell?  Special Easter religious services, anyone?  If you don’t like those, how about Seder? Pesach? Passover?  Did your school or college have a  Spring break?  How old were you when you first learned about the Equinox?  Did you feel superior being able to use a word with both a “Q” and and “X”?  Anyone care to admit to Fertility Dances?

Dredge around in your memories and come prepared to share one or two items with us that are appropriate to the season.  They can be rituals practiced over many years, or associated with some particular year.  Happy or sad? Serious or comic?  From your childhood or your parenthood?

The Rev Amy will lead our informal discussion.

April 28 – What is it we are really afraid of?

fear (noun)
An unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger
          -- Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary

Fear no more the heat o' the sun 
Nor the furious winter's rages;
Thou thy worldly task hast done, 
Home art gone, and ta'en thy wages
          _-- Shakespeare

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom
          __ Psalms 111:10

As the fields fear drought in autumn, so people fear poverty in old age.    -- Chinese proverb

We have nothing to fear save fear itself
          -- Franklin Roosevelt

Who’s afraid of the big, bad wolf?
          -- Walt Disney

Triskaidekaphobia (from Greek tris=three, kai=and, deka=ten) is fear of the number 13
          -- Wikipedia

Fear:  What is it we are really afraid of?
       -- Bobbi Geiger

And what have YOU to say about fear?  Bobbi will lead our discussion.

May 12 - Getting creative with a rearranged life

How do I know that my youth is all spent?
Well, my "get up and go" has got up and went.
But I really don't mind, when I think with a grin
Of all the grand places my "get up" has been.

Old age is golden, I've oft heard it said,
But I wonder sometimes as I get into bed
With my ears in the drawer, my teeth in a cup
My eyes on the table until I wake up.
Ere sleep overtakes me, I say to myself,
"Is there anything else I could lay on the shelf?"

That Pete Seeger song occcured to me when Rev Eva sent me her idea for the topic she will lead on May 12:

"How do we adjust to a different situation as we go through life, be it limited physical abilities, the loss of friends, family members and spouse, or a mind fogged with necessary drugs . . . that's what's on my mind currently."

What occurs to YOU?

May 26 – Relationships: Parents and Their Adult Children

Taken individually, the words “Parent” and “Child” have fixed meanings.  Lisa was my child and I was her parent the day she was born; she is my child and I am her parent today; she will be my child and I will be  her parent the day I die.

But taken together as in  “Parent-Child relationship”, their meaning changes drastically over the years.  In the beginning, the child is totally dependent on the parent for everything.  But even then the child has some independence.  We decide when to feed her, but she decides when to suck; we decide when to change her diaper, but she decides when it needs changing.

As the years go by the child becomes more and more independent.  She wants to make more and more of her own choices.  Sometimes we think they are poor choices.  If we are wise, but let her run down the hill and comfort her when she falls and skins her knee – but we don’t let her run into the ocean where the currents are dangerous.  If we are wise, we gradually go from giving her orders to giving her suggestions to biting our tongues – and we refrain from saying, “I told you so!” when her decision turns out badly.

If we are wise – and lucky! – we have several decades when she is not only my child but also my friend; when I am not only her parent but also her friend.  We enjoy each other as equals.

But even that must end.  Now my physical abilities, my memory, my powers of concentration become a little less each year.  Now she is the one who must be wise and decide when to make a decision for me, when to make a suggestion to me, and when to bite her tongue.  And I, with all my limitations, hope I can still be wise enough to accept this changed situation and make the best of it.  It won’t be easy!

I think that’s what Mona Miller wants to talk about as she leads our discussion on May 26.  It should be interesting.  Join us and share your thoughts. 

June 9 - Change

When I asked Rev Eva what her topic for this meeting would be, she was in a bit of a rush and just gave me a one-word response: “Change.”  I wonder what she meant:

“I love you;  you’re perfect; now change.” (broadway show title).

“It’s your turn to change the baby.” (anonymous and ubiquitious)

“I don’t care where you send me, just so I don’t  have to change at Jamaica” (LIRR commuter to St. Peter).

“I’m out of change.  Can you give me two tens for a five?” (Abbot and Costello routine)

He: “I’ve changed my mind.”
She: “Good.  I hope this one works.”

“There'll be a change in the weather, . . . [and] if that ain't enough,
Well then I'll change the way I strut my stuff.
Nobody wants you when you're old and gray.
There'll be some changes made to-daaay.
There'll be some changes made” (old song)

Come and see just how the discussion turns out.  Everyone will get a chance to contribute their two-cent’s worth.

June 23 – Coming of Age for Elders

[This column is going to be sort of like a blog through June and July as Rev Amy and I discuss just how to lead this session.  So come back every week to see what the latest is.  If you’d like to contribute to the discussion, send your comment in an email to
            elderjourney-info@uucpa.org

We’ll go in forwarad chronological order, so new stuff will be at the end.]

May 31, 2009 (Philip)
Some years ago when I turned sixty I took great pleasure in referring to myself as a Sexagenerian – with accent on the Latin-based first syllable.  Ten years later I rebelled against the logical extension of becoming a Septuagenarian and decided to switch to the French counting system (69 = soixante-neuf, 70 = soixante-dix, 71 = soixante-onze, etc.) and refer to my self as simply going from to sixty-nine to sixty-ten, sixty-eleven, etc.  This not only prolonged my Sexagenarianhood by another decade, but meant that at age 73 I became a Sexagenarian Teenager.

The above bit of nonsense came back into my mind as I attended the Sunday service on May 17, and heard a group of young people at or near the beginning of their first teens who had just completed the year-long “Coming of Age” UU course as they shared their credos with us.  In conversation with our beloved Reverends after the service, I started to draw a parallel between “Coming of Age” and “Elder Journey” -  and before I was halfway through my first sentence they were ahead of me and discussing with each other which one would have the fun of leading us.  Rev Amy won, simply because Rev Eva was already committed to “Change” on June 9.  

How about it, Elders?  Do you dare aspire to state your beliefs as frankly and eloquently as those seven young people expressed theirs?  The Rev Amy will guide us as we try.

June 6, 2009 (Rev Amy)

Here is the list of questions we give the Coming of Age youth.  If you think it would stimulate conversation to send them out ahead of time, please do.  It might go like this:

As part of the Coming of Age year, we have several sessions in which we talk together about Big Questions, and we ask each young person to write a credo that they will present as part of a Sunday service (many of you heard them last month).  We tell them,
"Credo means 'I believe.'  And that is all you have to write about:  what you, yourself, believe about some of the questions that we consider in church.

"So you might begin by jotting down, journal-style, answers to whichever of these questions interest you most."

Then we suggest some questions:

• Do I believe in any kind of god?  If yes, what is my god like?
• How do I want to live?  What kind of person do I want to become?  How do I want people to describe me?
• What ethical issues are most important to me?  (Write a little bit about one, where you stand on it, why you believe as you do about it.)
• Have I ever had an experience I would describe as “spiritual” or “religious”?  What was it?
• What sources of authority do I trust when I’m exploring spiritual questions?:  the Bible, some other holy book, any particular person, my own conscience . . . ?
• What do I treasure most in life?
• If I have any community--including friends and family members--where I feel comfortable exploring these questions, what community is that?
• Did I use to believe differently about any of the above?  What were some of those beliefs?  What made me change my views?
• What are some of the questions I think about but still don’t have answers to?

I look forward to hearing some of the ways you answer these questions several decades farther along than our Coming of Agers!

June 14, 2009 (Philip)
The Rev Amy lists 9 questions, some of them multiple.  But that is spread over a year-long course.  We are talking about a one-hour meeting.  Depending on how many of us show up, that will be about 3 minutes apiece plus some discussion.

I suggest that you pick ONE of the first 7 questions to talk about and include Question 8 in your discussion of it.  It would be helpful, but not necessary, if you would write your answer in advance.

July 14 – Positive Aspects of Being Elderly

"Whatever things are beautiful, whatever things are kindly and loving, think on these things" – St. Paul as quoted by Jean Nelson.

Jean, who will lead this session, goes on to list:
1.  More time and  freedom to pursue interests, learn new things, make new friends , read books long-awaited, attend concerts, plays and opera.
2.   Less anxiety re finances, life-partner, living quarters.
3.  Freedom to choose all the above
4. no hard and fast schedules
5. Attain a higher level of selfhood and individuation.
6. Better access to health services.
7. More time with husband and family.
8. Learning a little about gardening and enjoying our back yard:  roses, birdbath, blue jays and other birds, humming birds, orange tree, ponderosa, lemon , apple, &  plum trees, awnings and seats under them.

Join is in mid July for an hour of enjoying our Chronologically Advantaged status as Elders.

July 28 – Hearing Loss and Hearing Aids

This will be one of our informational meetings and should have wide appeal to all elders and many not-so-elders.  Please send a message to
          elderjourney-info@uucpa.org to indicate that you are planning to come. 

Host for the meeting will be Ila Keiper who will introduce the speaker, Esther Snively of the Hearing Loss Association of Silicon Valley. 

Esther sent the following outline for her talk:

Incidence of hearing loss in America
Why treating hearing loss is important
Recommendations for getting hearing evaluated
Types of hearing professionals
Types of hearing aids
Features of hearing aids to be aware of
Consumer checklist for purchasing hearing aids
Laws regarding purchase of hearing aids.
Cochlear Implants
You are not alone: Hearing Loss Association of America is the largest consumer organization devoted to providing information, education, advocacy and support.

I plan to bring someone who can speak with more personal knowledge about Cochlear Implants.
I will also bring hand outs for visitors.

August 11 – Next Year’s Plans

This will be a luncheon meeting at Pilgrim Haven, Sylvia and Sylvan’s home for the past year.  It will start promptly at 12:00, Noon.  Reservations are required, not later than noon on Friday, August 7.  RSVP to elderjourney-info@uucpa.org or by phone to Sylvia or Philip.  Instructions for getting there and for parking will be sent after we receive your RSVP.

The Reverend Daniel Harper, our new Assistant Minister of Religious Education, has been invited to attend, as has the Rev Amy.

We will have general conversation during a leisurely lunch and will then adjourn to a Common Room to discuss plans for next year.  Please bring your ideas for topics you would like to see us take up – either Social or Informational.

August 25 – Reincarnation Dreams

Rev Amy will lead us.  She writes:

If you knew you had another life on earth following this one, what would you want to do with it that you couldn't or didn't do this time?  My mom says she'd be an archaeologist.  I often think I'd like a go-round as a constitutional lawyer.  Maybe you have places you'd like to visit . . . hobbies you'd like to take up . . . lives you'd like to live!

Notice I am deliberately not phrasing it as "if you had your life to live over."  This is not "what would you do instead," but "what would you do in addition."  No hard choices necessary.

September 8 "Uncle Bob's Biography"

Elders who met our new RE Assistant Minister the Rev Dan Harper at our lunch meeting on August 11already know that he is enthusiastic about life in general and about our Elder Journey in particular.  When I saw him before the Service last Sunday I hardly had time to ask the question before he was telling me his topic:

The Rev Dan’s “Uncle Bob” had a sister (an Elder) who died recently, and Uncle Bob decided to write a short biography of her.  We will hear how he dealt with some of the problems  he faced in gathering and arranging material.  The discussion will start with our ideas for improving the process and then move on to the question, “how would you prepare a biography of someone near and dear to you?”

September 22 – IS THERE A BLACK SHEEP IN YOUR FAMILY?

One of the difficulties of genealogical research is that most of our ancestors were ordinary people.  They didn’t get elected to national office or accused of high treason.  They didn’t fund big universities, in part because they didn’t embezzle millions of dollars.  They didn’t get medals for heroism and they didn’t commit murders.

Of course, every once in a while you get lucky and find you are related to a person of note.  Which may often take you several generations further back because that person of note was in the news and left records of his or her doings and ancestry.  This can be equally true whether the ancestor is truly famous or just notorious, but the latter has always seemed more interesting to me.

And more satisfying.  After all, if I brag that I am descended from a Governor of Massachusetts, you might well respond with, “That family has sure gone downhill to get to you!”  Whereas when I tell you that one of my New England ancestresses gave birth to an illegimate child when she was in jail for adultery, my life doesn’t look too bad in comparison.

Come to our meeting on September 22.  I’ll tell you about a couple of my family’s black sheep and look forward to hearing with interest about yours.

October 13 – Core Music for the Congregation

Dan and Amy want our help in compiling a collection of “say, twenty core songs every child and adult UU should know.”  An obvious source is our current hymnal, “Singing the Living Tradition”, but there are lots of other sources such as other hymnals, folk songs, broadway musicals, etc.

Let’s start with each of us bringing an A-List consisting of our 3 favorite selections from our hymnal plus 2 songs not in the hymnal that we’d like to see in the core collection.  For the hymns, just list the number and the title (Do this ahead next Sunday, or get to our meeting early and Amy will have several copies available).  For other choices please bring a few copies of at least the words – the music if you can.  If you are overflowing with ideas, feel free to bring a B-List also, but we’ll look at everyone’s A-Lists first and then see if we have any time left.

Anybody want to bring a guitar?

October 27 – Gleanings from the Senior Health Care  Conference

Misao will report on the Avenidas Senior Conference which she attended last August.  Here is her summary:

The 6th annual Senior Conerence, sponsored by Avenidas, City of Mt. View and Home Instead Senior Care, was held on August 22,09.  It was held at the Rose kleiner Senior Day Health Center in Mt. View.  The conference attracted a large number of concern seniors, care givers and others involved in the social dynamics of senior health and life style.

Dr. Margaret Deanesly gave the keynote address on "Managing Your Mother Without Losing Your Mind."  Her wonderful wit, experience and extensive knowledge covered health and people related  problems gained durng her 30 years as a physician.  

There were nine workshops offered covering all aspects of senior care and senior problems.  Some of the topics were:

                     1.  Preventing Caregiver Burnout
                     2.  Organizing and Downsizing
                     3.  Eldercare Law
                     4.  Family Dynamics

All worksops had capable leaders and commanded good audience response.  Breakfast and lunch were served without additional cost.  There were many venders there representing senior institutional care and  private home care services.

November 10 - The Millenial Generation

Dan Harper defines the "Millennial generation" as those born in the 1980's and '90's.  He writes:

Here's this rising new generation, and they are living their lives in very different ways -- more volunteering, more interest in spending time with elders, more tattoos, more time spent with computers and video games -- and sometimes it's hard to know how to relate to them. I like this rising generation (in general), and I thought it would be of interest to talk about ways it is possible to build relationships between elders and Millennials.

Dan will give us his view point on this issue, and then we'll each have a turn.  Do you have a problem dealing with a child or grandchild?  If so, how do you deal with it?  It should be interesting, and who knows, you might even learn something.  Join us in the Fireside Room on Tuesday, November 10.

November 24 - UU “Signature Stories”

In a recent “Weaving the Web article, Rev Amy wrote:

At our congregational workshop with the church-vitality consultant Alice Mann last week, she asked us to retell a “signature story”: a positive story about UUCPA that we heard about, or lived, that stuck in our minds as important. Some of the stories people shared:
  The story of how, when California churches were being compelled to bow to McCarthyism by swearing a “loyalty oath,” the minister and Board of Directors refused, even though it meant a fine and other possible repercussions. 
  The story of a junior-high student sitting in the patio on a Sunday morning and realizing that a teenager just a few years older than him was helping lead the service. 
  The story of a young woman listening to teenagers in the youth group discuss what they believed and whether they wanted to join the church, marveling that this was a matter of their free choice, and deciding that she wanted to join a church like that. 
  The story of a painful dispute between friends, and how one of them was inspired by the words of our relational covenant that call us each to make this community what we want it to be, and called the other to offer her apologies. She received an apology in turn and the relationship was repaired. 

These stories tell messages about who we are at our best—who we want to be: a congregation that puts its values into action even when it’s risky, that wants to hear from its young people, that trusts people to choose their own path, that calls us to right relationships.  Many of the stories we heard were complex, with mixed motives and mixed results, but over and over they told of a community that, while it sometimes drifted from its principles, then remembered them and “walked the walk.” 

What is a “signature story” of our congregation for you?  Will you tell it to me  [and  your fellow Elders at our meeting on November 24]?

December 15 – No topic!

Since December is so filled with other holiday activities, we will have only one session this month on the THIRD Tuesday.  Rather than host her usual  “infomational” meeting, Misao Sakamoto has graciously invited Elder Journey members to a friendly relaxed pot luck luncheon at her house, starting at Noon.  All interested Elders are invited, but it is absolutely necessary to RSVP (email elderjourney-info@uucpa.org or call Misao or me) if you wish to join us.