Unitarian Universalist Church of Palo Alto

Reflection on Reassembling the Broken

Donna Aronson
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Palo Alto, CA

Once upon a time, in the 1960s to be exact, in California, lived a woman who married a man she knew in her heart of hearts was not good husband material, but she was afraid she would not have another offer. The man was not a very good choice for a husband, but he was even worse as a father. The couple did have a child, a son. Eventually the woman divorced the man, who was difficult. Life seemed a little easier for the woman, but the son, who was now thirteen years old, did not find life happier for him.

Now in seventh grade, the boy chose the school sociopath as his friend, with whom to hang out. The woman worried and fretted and felt like pulling her hair out over the boy. His grades were failing. She thought he might be drinking alcohol. One day she opened the closet in his “off limits” (Mom, I need my own space, a little privacy! Please don’t come in my room) room to find pot plants growing under grow lights in the aluminum foil lined closet.

In the next few years the woman found she could not trust her son, as he often lied and distorted his stories. The mother was beside herself, and was sad and ANGRY!

She insisted the boy see a psychiatrist. The boy went once. The woman enrolled the boy in a special small school where more individual attention and creative scholarship were available for troubled teenagers who were having adjustment problems. After a brief “honeymoon”, the school with it’s building of geodesic domes and farm stays was not helpful as the other “adjustment problem” ridden adolescents tormented and teased the boy until he ran away.

She imagined her child cold, hungry, sick, taking drugs, becoming a male prostitute, or even dead. Her heavy heart felt fear, remorse, sorrow and fury.

Unlike the prodigal, there was no fattened calf, just enormous relief, when the boy called and said he wanted to come home. He had been thinking a lot. Maybe he could take the GED and maybe he could live with his father for a while.

Maybe he could take up avalanche control for a career. In the next year or so he had passed the high school equivalency test, was working at a ski resort, and said with sincerity, “Mom, I am truly sorry I was such a screw up ahd gave you so much grief. Please forgive me.”

The mother felt softening of her heart and of her face, as she knew she could and would and had forgiven him. Still the woman had another year or more of feeling some tightness in her chest and mouth, and occasional bitter regret. The feeling was not directed toward her only child, who was making his way. The blaming, hurtful feelings were toward herself. She ruminated on all the mistakes she had made, on being a bad parent, and choosing an abusive relationship.

Finally, after wading in the muck for some time, with help from friends and family and some therapy and meditation, and healing time, the woman came to know all God’s children are not perfect. She was able to forgive herself and to feel whole and even fun filled again.

She was aware and grateful for the blessings of work, and love of nature, and of friendship and caring of others.

MORAL: It is important to forgive others, BUT it is imperative we forgive ourselves!