Unitarian Universalist Church of Palo Alto

Reflection: Time and the Soul

Sunday, March 18, 2007
Palo Alto, CA

In his book, Care of the Soul, Thomas Moore, a self-described theologian, psychotherapist and writer, says, “It is commonplace for writers to point out that we live in a time of deep division, in which mind is separated from body and spirituality is at odds with materialism. But how do we get out of this split? We can't just “think” ourselves through it, because thinking itself is part of the problem. What we need is a way out of dualistic attitudes. We need a third possibility, and that third is soul.” He goes on, “‘Soul’ is not a thing, but a quality or a dimension of experiencing life and ourselves. It has to do with depth, value, relatedness, heart, and personal substance.”

How do we care for this aspect of ourselves? How do we know it needs our care, our attention, our time? Sometimes, Moore says, this need manifests itself in mysterious, unplanned ways. Several years ago, I had such a memorable encounter.

At the height of the tech bust, I was laid off from my job at a software company. I had joined a startup as employee #17, watched them bloom to about 120, survived two layoffs and the acquisition of an 18-member core team as the doors closed, and survived another two layoffs at the new company over the next year.

I can’t say I was surprised when it was my turn — at that point in the Valley, who could be? — but my inner soul was exhausted and devastated. It had been a long period of fear, uncertainty and doubt — FUD — and companies were no longer hiring those any with less than 7-10 years experience in a desired specialty. I was far from alone in my plight, but I felt completely isolated and empty.

This was a bad thing for a job search. As everyone knows, you need to use your network to find a job, but at the time, I was struggling with the self-doubt, lack of confidence and fear that prevents a person from asking former colleagues who were working for help. I tried job search support groups and found listening to strangers’ sad tales and paths tried with no success only increased my sense of hopelessness.

Then, I remember one day learning of a former colleague who had been job searching for nearly 9 months without success, and now his wife was pregnant with their first child. I was shocked. “Lucky for me, I did not have dependents I was responsible for,” I thought. “If I were in that position, I would do anything to provide for my dependents. I would stop thinking this job or that job were beneath me or had no career potential. I would start with anything! Thank goodness, I don’t have anyone I’m responsible for.” At that moment, I had an epiphany.

I suddenly had the image of a little girl standing in the middle of a busy freeway as cars and trucks rushed past on either side. This little girl had her arms outstretched, and her face seemed to say, “Help me cross the road! I can’t do it alone!” And, in that moment, I understood. I was that little girl. The little girl was the fearful, uncertain, vulnerable part of me that did not know how to go about a job search. She was my dependent. I was responsible for her.

And, in my next epiphany, I understood that I could find a path to do what I needed. I started sending emails and taking people up on their offers to meet with me. For my dependent, for my responsibility, I could ask people I knew for help. Through an unexpected source in my network, I found a job within a month. I can’t say it was a great job, but it was a landing point that met my immediate financial needs and allowed me to get back on a path of my choosing.

As Moore says, when we are open to these encounters, even if undesirable, we can choose to honor the soul with care, integrating it into our lives and developing a deeper, more fulfilling relationship with ourselves and our experiences.

 

Sermon: Time and the Soul by Rev. Alicia McNary Forsey