Unitarian Universalist Church of Palo Alto

Reflection: Misunderstandings

Phyllis Cassel
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Palo Alto, CA

In a Church such as ours of 300 plus members, it is easy to have misunderstandings. I think this story will illustrate just how easy it is to get into a mess.

Once a long time ago in the land of UUCPA, a young woman and her family were planning a wedding, to be held here in this sanctuary at 4 PM on a beautiful Saturday in July, a day such as this. At the time the sanctuary faced west and the seats were arranged in a semi-circle. When the wall of glass doors on the east were left open it gave a spacious feeling to the room. The patio was to be decorated in cabaret fashion and live flowers were to hang from the beams on the walk way. The bride and her entourage would proceed across the patio from Room 6 making a long procession into the church. The reception would start on the patio while the caterer set tables in this hall. At the time, UUCPA did not approve of holding wedding receptions in its church because the bride and groom, who typically scheduled such arrangements, usually left before the guests, leaving no one responsible for the clean up. As the parents of the bride were members of the congregation, the Board of Program gave their consent, and the parents promised that they would leave everything in perfect order.

Two weeks before the wedding the mother of the bride came to the church office to make final arrangements, for the little details like what to do with the china and table cloths that would be arriving Friday before the wedding.

The administrator listened to the plans and said, “You do know that there will be another wedding here at 3 PM in the fireside room and the Groom in that wedding has decided he will have a small reception here afterwards.”

“But that’s impossible” the bride’s mother said. “I cleared my reception with the Board of Program. They can’t have a wedding and reception at 3 PM. We will disturb their event! And they will interrupt our wedding and the reception!”

“I recognize the issues,” said the church administrator, “but the minister doesn’t seem to think this is a problem. He often schedules several weddings on the same day.”

The bride’s mother is now steaming and the administrator is feeling very much in the middle. “How could the minister approve the reception?”

He didn’t but he didn’t say no. I’m not going to say no to the reception either.” said the administrator “that’s the minister’s problem but I will dial the gentleman and you can talk with him directly.”

So the brides mother explained to the other groom that she was a member of the congregation and had made all the proper arrangements to have her daughter’s wedding and reception here and that his wedding and reception would interfere with her daughters wedding at 4 PM . The other groom explained that his invitations had already gone out and besides he was a professor at Stanford. The mother of the bride managed a firm but relatively calm statement that there was a problem and that he could not have a reception at that time. She put the phone down and lost it.

The mother had no intention of compromising or finding a mutual solution. This was wrong and it would be corrected! She told everyone she saw how angry she was and why! She would not be consoled.

Never-the-less the church president sought a solution. She located several members of the congregation who agreed to clean years of accumulated junk and cobwebs from the patio building. Following the 3 PM wedding, the guests were ushered by the minister to the patio building where they toasted the bride and groom. Many years later the mother of the bride at the 4 PM wedding can laugh at her presumption that others knew her daughter’s bridal party would use the whole interior space of the church facilities, and the patio building is now used frequently for many church functions. And of course everyone lives happily in the Land of UUCPA.

 

Sermon: Talk, Trust and Community by Don Brenneis