Unitarian Universalist Church of Palo Alto

Words about Families (part two)

Reverend Kurt Kuhwald
December 16, 2007
Palo Alto, CA

 

Let me add two more quotes:

 

You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at hir parents every time around,
and why hir parents will always wave back.
— William Tammeus

 

The family: That dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape,
nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to.
— Dodie Smith

 

We are all waving at our parents, at our family, who are sometimes on the ride with us, and sometimes standing by watching … and waving back. It is the way of it, to reach out, to respond to the stiring in our hearts when we see the people who live near the center of our being, watching — it is the way of relationship, to respond to that stirring and to wave.

The two families that spoke here today are with us, too. They offered their wave to us. Can we all wave back to them?

They spoke much to the center of things. They spoke well. They spoke their honest, heartfelt stories. How good to be present when people speak the truth, when people speak from their hearts, when people speak from the heart of their lives.

And let me tell you where I think the justice is with these stories, and with this Sunday Service. Because you know that that is the center of my ministry: Justice-love — as The Rev. Dr. Carter Heyward, lesbian Episcopal priest calls it — justice-love. (Has a different ring than Justice-making, doesn't it? Justice-love.)

The intention in this service was to create a venue, a platform, a righteous theatre for REAL family values … family values that trump bigotry … family values that create a nest for relationships that are unafraid of an inclusive social vision … family values that testify, with all the energy we can muster, from the very bottom of our toes, that what families are about is … plain and simple … love.

Whether you are in a large family with lots of children and lots of elders, or are a single person family; whether you are in a same-sex family, a heterosexual family, or a family that has members with different affectional orientations; whether your family is all Christian, all Moslem, all Atheist or theologically all over the place … the common denominator that makes a family is love.

Matt Groening, cartonist creator of the Simpsons, said, a bit on the darkly lighter side, as you would expect: “Families are about love … overcoming emotional torture.” And perhaps that is a focus we dare not avoid when we are lifting up family values that honor differences and ground themselves in love.

We know that any true and worthwhile relationship will cost us. It will cost us big time. It will cost us effort, effort to be present, effort to be open, effort to give up our agendas, effort (as Buddhist teacher Bonnie Myotai Trease says) to release ourselves from the momentum of the past (the karma of what seems to be indicated as the only next step), effort to return over and over. We know that authentic relationship makes demands on us in ways we never expected, didn't necessarily invite, and often wish to escape. We know that relationships of depth require that we dare to swim in deep waters. And family is that ocean that has the deepest of depths. There is an old Bulgarian saying that I have carried around for years, and subjected many congregations to that speaks right to the subject. It goes like this:

If you wish to drown, don’t torture yourself with shallow water.

Sound gloomy? Yet, you know … it's got a fine, earth-rooted wisdom, wisdom filled with the active juices of this life on Earth, wisdom that says: Go deep, children. Go deep.

Ministry is always about depth. Living in community is always about depth — except when it’s not. Ministry and community are always about depth, that is, when we want, and then choose, to live authentically.

And that is why it is so good to have families share. We get to go below the reflections on the surface, which are so nice, so pretty, and with which our consumer culture is obsessed. When families share we get to go into some deeper parts of ourselves and consider our own families, our own journeys, our own desire to know the depths of this most amazing life, on this most amazing planet.

Thank you for your attention today.

To close … let's wave once again to the families who have shared with us. Wave and wish well. Wave and wish well.

Thank you.

 

All My Relations.
Ashé. Amen. Ameen. Shalom & Blessed Be.
Gracias y Namasté.

 

Sermon: Words about Families (part 1) by Rev. Kurt Kuhwald