Unitarian Universalist Church of Palo Alto

Reflection: Sacred in Our Bodies

Bill Landauer
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Palo Alto, CA

A few years ago, in order to live more from the heart, I retired from engineering to become a full time yoga instructor. I was enjoying my new vocation when just last September my back started hurting. I ignored the pain because I wanted to continue teaching. After all, I had excellent mental health and I wasn’t going to be controlled by such an insignificant thing as my body. My students and a number of big-name valley corporations were counting on me. So my ego was involved in my decision to keep teaching as the pain worsened.

Finally, I could not continue. The pain was tremendous and all I wanted was for it to end. The doctors at Kaiser put me on high-dosages of anti-inflammatories and opiates. I spent a week in the hospital on morphine. However, I was having tremendous side effects to the medications. My gastrointestinal system was very messed up and I was also developing severe anxiety and depression. I felt like I wanted to end my life. So I gave up conventional drugs and entered a holistic treatment center in San Diego. They treated my back pain with natural methods such as acupuncture and massage and my emotional issues with various types of therapy. It was difficult to be there at times, but I forced myself to stay because I saw no alternative.

I had a wonderful experience one day during equine therapy. As I approached my horse, sending loving energy to him, three hawks appeared and circled above us. When I left the horse, they left too. The other patients and I felt that this was a sign that something bigger than us was happening.

Having gone through overwhelming pain, anxiety, and depression, I am now in a position to have greater compassion for others with similar experiences. I have developed a deeper spiritual connection with myself, others, and a higher power. I now believe that is why I was injured, that it was part of a larger plan for my life.

A similar thing happened to the spiritual teacher Ram Dass, who suffered a severe stroke. He wrote “I want to be part of that network of compassion which brings the multitude of beings back to the One, to love … The stroke brought me back to my Soul’s purpose”. Thus the stroke was an example of “fierce grace,” bringing him closer to God. One type of grace is when good things happen, but a deeper grace happens when a human being transforms a tragedy into a deeper connection with spirit and takes that out to share with the world.

So what does the future hold for me? I plan to work as a volunteer giving spiritual care to patients and their families at Stanford University Hospital. I am also in the process of starting a new covenant group here at church. I am waiting with an open heart to see what else will unfold for me.

I believe that the opportunity to live on this planet in a body is rare and something to be appreciated. There is a Tibetan story about an old, blind turtle who lives in the depths of the ocean. Once every thousand years, the turtle swims to the top of the sea, and sticks its head up through the waves, surfacing for air. Imagine that there is a wooden ring floating somewhere on the surface of the ocean. Think how rare it would be for the blind turtle, coming up for air once every thousand years, to put its head through the wooden ring. It is just that rare, say the Tibetans, for a being to gain human birth. I plan to use my rare opportunity for the best possible purpose.

 

Sermon: Sacred in Our Bodies by Jeffrey Melcher