Joy and I were so, so fortunate to live in a notably child-friendly culture when our child was a toddler. In Mexico, everyone seems comfortable with children and welcomes them in public spaces. In six months of her being restless, fussy, or downright loud in restaurants, on buses, in churches, we received not a single frown. The response to her being adorable was “Que preciosa!” (how cute!) and the response to her being grumpy was “Pobrecita!” (poor thing!) Sometimes, someone would start talking with or playing with her, which was a big help because it distracted her and turned her mood around. And it said to us stressed-out parents, louder than words, that, far from annoying them by bringing this little ball of childish energy into the place, we were welcome there.
The Mexican children were noticeably happy and calm in public places, probably because adults had been welcoming them into those spaces all their lives, where they could learn by example, and by being engaged in ways appropriate to their age, how one behaves in such places.
A lot of us absorbed a very different lesson if we grew up in the United States. On the one hand, especially if our parents were people of means, we were given a lot of space as children: playgrounds, museums designed just for us, backyards, swimming pools, our own bedrooms. On the other hand, other spaces were implicitly designated For Adults, and there, we were supposed to be quiet and still: most of all, in a religious service.
Cast those lessons aside, dear adults. UUCPA is a place for people of all ages, and we expect people to act their age. So here are some suggestions for making Sundays in the Main Hall work for everyone.
For the parents of young children:
- Relax! Nature made children to wiggle, so don’t feel the need to suppress the fullness of their humanity in our sacred place.
- Sit toward the front where it is easier for your little one to see what’s going on.
- Quietly explain the parts of the service to them, letting them know when it is time to sit in quiet reverence and when they should sing enthusiastically!
- If you have to step out with your child, please feel free, but do come back. We love to see all ages in the service. If you do need to go out, there are several ways to continue to hear the service: (1) sound is piped into the lobby, (2) you can pick up an assisted listening device (also in the lobby) that works all over the campus, (3) you can tune in the service on 88.7 FM if you are nearby, and (4) you can log in on Zoom or Facebook absolutely anywhere.
- If they would genuinely prefer to be in child care while you are in the service, it is always available from the time you arrive on Sunday.
- Remember that the way we welcome children in our sanctuary directly affects the way they will respond to communities of faith, religious exploration, experiences of the divine, and other people for the rest of their lives. Let them know that they are welcome here.
For the other members of the congregation:
- The presence of children is a gift to UUCPA. They are a reminder that our congregation is growing, and that it will be thriving here long into the future. Please welcome our children and give a smile of encouragement to their parents!
- If you have to step out, please feel free, but do come back. We love to see all ages in the service. Please see above for all the ways to continue to follow the service.
- It’s vitally important for everyone to be able to hear the service. If ambient noise is a problem for you, please make use of the PA loop or assistive listening devices, which amplify whatever is being spoken into the microphones.
For the kids:
Would you like to help with the service by lighting the chalice, ringing the bell, leading a hymn, handing out orders of service, doing a reading . . . ? Ask your grown-up to let me, Rev. Cat, or our music director, Bruce Olstad, know, so we can schedule you to help out!
Blessings,
Amy
with gratitude to Rev. Joanna Fontaine Crawford of the vibrant, growing Live Oak Unitarian Universalist Church for letting me adapt her words
Photo credits, top to bottom: Ekaterina Shakharova on Unsplash, amol sonar on Unsplash Isaac Quesada on Unsplash